i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
