Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
