i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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