I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
