If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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