so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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