so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
