but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
