I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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