Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
