Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We are all done wearing pants today
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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