i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
