So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
