i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
