Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
