It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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