This is not my ceiling
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
