I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
