I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
