meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had to cum in my sink.
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