Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
