It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
