Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
