Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
