I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
