He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
