Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize