So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
