u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My ass is underappreciated
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
