Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
