one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
