I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
