Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
