i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
