any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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