she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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