So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
