no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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