words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
