She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
