Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
