we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
