My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
