i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
