I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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