:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
