I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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