i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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