Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.

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(478): View more from Georgia

this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.

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(317): View more from Indiana

& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley

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(519): View more from Ontario

Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.

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(516): View more from New York

I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb

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