whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Shame - the story of my life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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