I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
