highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
