I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
