went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
