"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
