Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
