So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
