From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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