it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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