and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize