new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
