Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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