I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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